Doctor = Awesome

21 05 2011

So, I previously mentioned that my girlfriend is a doctor.  And I also mentioned how awesome that would be.  Here’s further evidence of the awesomeness…

My girlfriend is currently on a flight to San Francisco to hang with me for a few days.  She just texted me to say they had a medical emergency on-board and had to land in Grand Junction, CO (FYI – in case you weren’t aware, Grand Junction airport isn’t made for big planes – they don’t land there unless they have no choice (ok, I may be talking out of my ass on that point, but it makes the story better, so if I’m wrong, “fuck off” to all you know-it-all aviation enthusiasts out there)).

Mid-flight, the flight attendant came on the PA and asked if there were any doctors on-board and my girlfriend, of course, rightly identified herself.   The flight attendant led her to a passenger in medical distress.  Apparently, the passenger’s condition was deteriorating very rapidly.  So my girlfriend – the badass that she is – quickly yet carefully assessed the situation and then calmly instructed the flight attendant:  “We need to land.  Now.”  And so they did.

After she finished telling me this, my first thought was:  That’s fucking awesome!!!   When you can order a plane to land and it does, that’s some fucking power, people.

I then suggested to my girlfriend that, if you think about it, she isn’t wholly unlike a terrorist.  What other passenger can force a plane to land?  She failed to see the humor.

My next thoughts, in order, were these:

So you ordered the plane to land?  And now you’re going to be over two hours late?  Great.  Good job.

-I sometimes tell my girlfriend what to do and she listens.  So, by the transitive property, I too should be able to order a plane to land.  Is that right?  I’m not sure.  Screw you, 9th grade math.

-You never hear flight attendants asking if there is a lawyer on-board.  “Uhhh, ladies and gentlemen, don’t be alarmed, but we have a contractual emergency.  Is there a lawyer present?”

-Being a lawyer sucks.

-What happened with the sick passenger?  Oh, he ended up being OK?  Pussy. 


Poop is never not funny

12 05 2011

My girlfriend is a doctor.  She deals in the bodily functions of others on a daily basis.  I know what you’re thinking.  How fucking awesome is that?  Right?

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