Eff you, San Francisco weather!!!

28 07 2011

 
Typical attire for a summer day in San Francisco (mid-July):
 
 

Unsuspecting tourist from Ohio:  Shorts, sandals, horrendously cheesy t-shirt

 
 

Average SF local:  Jeans, heavy shoes, ski parka, wool cap, nutsack warmer (or, for women or obese men, breast warmer).

 
 
 





Match Game with the Hopelessly Immature

2 07 2011


 
 
Did you ever see the TV game show Match Game? In the 70’s and 80’s, back when there were actually game shows on TV, Match Game kicked the crap out of all other game shows. In case you never saw it, a brief synopsis:

-Two contestants; one game show host (Gene Rayburn = Badassedest Game Show Host Ever); panel of six has-been/never-was TV and movie personalities.

-Rayburn reads aloud a fill-in-the-blank question; contestant tries to match the celebrity panel’s answers.

-Fill-in-the-blank question is otherwise innocuous but for a blank which is often fraught with sexual innuendo (or maybe that was just me).  Example:

 

Cindy bumped into John at the ice cream store.  Cindy took one look at what John had in his hand and said:  “Oooh, I’d love to lick on your BLANK.”

 

-Laughter and frivolity ensues as contestant and celebrities write down their answers.

-Celebrities flip over their hand-written answer cards one by one.

-Live audience breathes a sigh of relief (but is, in actuality, simmering in silent rage) when celebrity answers are not dirty; more laughter and frivolity.

 
I loved that show.  Mostly because I was always able to think of something extremely nasty to fill in the blank.  Example:
 

Cindy bumped into John at the ice cream store.  Cindy took one look at what John had in his hands and said:  “Oooh, I’d love to lick on your BLANK.”

 

-glistening man sack.

 
 

I’m not sure why I recently thought of Match Game, but the other day, I did.   And what dawned on me, much to my chagrin, was this:  If my secret (no longer) fantasy ever came true and weekday TV game shows made a comeback, I would never be able to win on Match Game. My infantile sense of humor would be my downfall.

 
 

Joan loves the circus.  The other day I came home to find her wearing BLANK.

 

-nothing but a clown’s nose while being gang-banged by a band of circus midgets.

 
 
Somehow I don’t see Scott Baio matching that.